-=-namaste-=-

saturday, may 25

Matty and I went camping on Angel Island a few days ago, and I can't stop thinking about it or experiencing it deep in my bones. We arrived on the island with about 400 school kids and a few other tourists. We strapped on our packs and hiked about two miles in to our campsite. It seemed that once the ferry hit the island, the people scattered, and we felt pretty alone. We only saw a few people. Then once we got to our campsite we were pretty much all alone. We cooked our lunch and then laid on a grassy hill in the hot hot sun in my underwear!! It was hot over there... We read and talked and wrote some. It was so peaceful.
Then the horn blew signalling that the ferry was leaving and taking all of the other people off of the island. As soon as it left, a whole new layer of calm descended upon me as I could sense the island breathing a sigh of relief, her work as tourist attraction done. For the whole rest of the time on the island, we only saw two other people (one of them was a park ranger).
As we left her, I felt such a deep connection with that island. She had sheltered us and given us rest. We had walked all around her perimeter complimenting her on her pristine beauty. When we got on the ferry with the people who had been there on a day trip, I felt different from them in that I felt a real relationship with the island. I felt as though we had lived there with her and experienced what it is like to be her instead of coming for three hours, taking pictures, eating nachos at the snack bar, and then screaming and laughing all the way back home on the ferry. I felt quiet, reverent... in awe of such a place and its power.
6:04 PM 2 comments

saturday, april 27

Mat shot some pictures of me the other day at the park and doctored them up to look really cool i think... The top picture is of a pose called bakasana or crane pose. It is an arm balance and really fun to play around with. Good for the self esteem, i think, to be able to do something that you didn't ever think that you would be able to do with your body.

the second pose is ustrasana, or camel pose. It is one of the most amazing and beautiful poses that i know. It is a heart opener, and as you can see from looking it is a lot about surrender and trust... opening the heart towards the sky, towards God. and mat captured the energetic exchange that i see happening when you enter that pose. Depending on how you look at it, energy or life force, prana coming down from the heavens or offering energy up and out... beautiful pose...

anyway, thanks matty!!!
Click to enlarge:

9:01 PM 7 comments

friday, april 26

today is a day of sun shining and too-cold-wind...
a day of peppermint tea and bok choy
of yoga and corpse poses under wool blankets.

patchouli and lavender baths and cookbooks
a day of quiet attention directed inward and of...
of...
fucking chaos and revenge on two wheels...

CRITICAL MASS!!!!!!!!

hoooowwwwllllll.....

3:20 PM 0 comments

thursday, april 18

OK. I hate zoos. I think that they are the most awful, sad, sick things... "Honey, let's take the kids to throw sticks at and taunt the monkeys who were captured as infants and raised in captivity. Look at that tiger pacing back and forth back and forth back and forth with that blank expression. Isn't that educational! I bet that's how they really act in nature -- whatever that is."

One day Mat pointed out to me that the zoo keepers studied very hard to be zoo keepers, and they probably love the animals more than I do. That is true... I have to admit. But the animals look so dejected and sad and crazy. And their habitats are so meager. It kills me. absolutely kills me that there are zoos. ANYWAY, yesterday we were outside at Cafe Abir, and I was reading the paper, and I saw this article called Uulu lands in clover / S.F. zoo moves polar bear to grassy new digs. I read it and cried my eyes out at Cafe Abir right there on the sidewalk. I am both happy and sad for the polar bear -- mostly happy I guess...

and very sad for the pigeons.
12:37 PM 5 comments

friday, april 5

I couldn't start an IV today. The girl is 16 years old with great veins, but I just couldn't get it. I tried twice. The only thing that makes me feel better is that the doc who was on last night tried three times and couldn't get it either. She just has sneaky veins. I was poking her and digging around in her hand, and I could hear her breathing becoming faster, heavier, and when I looked up at her face big tears were rolling down. I don't know what it was about her that got to me when I stick tons of kids all the time. part of my job to make them well... I think that it is because she was so nice and cooperative, and I am used to the little babies who scream and flail or the toddlers who kick you in the boobs.

The medical world has a very large competitive undercurrent. 99% of medical students and residents and interns and nurses and doctors and everyone else are very competitive. Who knows the most? Who gets the most IV's in? Who tapes endotracheal tubes badly? I feel myself sometimes jumping into the competitive current but then i stop and consider why I am there. Not to impress my peers but to help people. Still, it sucks to admit that you couldn't get the damn iv...
5:03 PM 5 comments