[LEMONS] 11.07.2005
See, Here's Where You're Wrong
I was chatting with my friend David, who lives in Copenhagen, on IM the other day, and he told me that he's coming to California in the Spring. Great news! I'm always excited to see him. He went on to tell me that he's coming to Southern California, and perhaps getting a house on the coast somewhere with our friend Steve.I've known both of these guys since, well, since they did a lot of things. David has a young daughter, and Steve has two sons. Though they are responsible men now, I remember when they were both fools. Consequently, I always look forward to hanging out with them in they way that you only do with people you knew when they were young and stupid, and who knew you when you were the same. Wouldn't, David asked, Harper and I like to come stay with them.
Yes, I replied, yes I would. But, I had a concern. And better to be upfront about it than not.
I would like to come see all of you. But I'm not sure, I explained, that I really want to stay in a house with three infants.
Oh! David replied. But H. and J. are not infants anymore. They are toddlers.
See, here's where you're wrong. They are still infants. All children are infants until they are old enough to drive to the store and grab me a bottle of Viognier, and maybe some Roquefort. You have merely forgotten what it is not to have children.
Now, I love children. And I love all of my friends' children. Just because I'm now in a minority, doesn't mean I don't love children. I even plan to pass along my genetic code one day, just as you and billions of others before you did.
But think back. Think back to a time before you were elbow deep in excrement. Back to the time when you thought things such as vomit and diarrhea were, well, grody. Do you remember that time? No? Think about the last time you got good and drunk, then. There you go. That's the time.
Now, putting yourself now where you were then, I think you'll be able to recall that to the childless THERE IS NO DIFFERENCE BETWEEN AN INFANT AND A TODDLER.
Until you have your own children, they really only come in 3 categories:
- Children young enough that you don't have to worry about cursing in front of them.
- Children old enough that you do.
- Teenagers who might steal your stash, or wreck your car if you don't keep a vigilant eye on them.
That's it. Sorry.
1 comments
words have never been truerly spoken my friend. My sentiments exactly.
-- noted
jefe : 1:03 PM- l i n k -
