-=-namaste-=-

thursday, march 21

I am actually writing something from work today! I usually don't since we're on shared computers and I don't really want the whole pediatric ICU reading my blog. I don't know why. I love most of them,and I know that I am so lucky to have such a great group to work with on a daily basis. We all work well together and really are friends. but anyway...

I have been struggling with something lately that sounds so shallow and silly, but I am getting a bit fat. Really. I don't know how it happened, but all of a sudden I have this stomach and this butt that are getting in my way. I don't know how to diet. I refuse to diet. I think that I will try to increase my physical activity and cut out ice cream. That will probably do it.

It is so awful to feel out of place in your own body. I did some yoga before work yesterday morning, and my stomach was getting in the way as I was doing some of my poses. IN MY WAY!!! my stomach was in my way. What do I do about this? I love food. I think that it is one of the great pleasures of life. I guess that I need to reanalyze my attitudes towards it though, as obviously I am taking in more than my body needs to sustain itself.

I struggled with anorexia for years in high school and as an American woman I of course have a very distorted body image. I weigh myself every morning even though I kind of take pride in usually not allowing weight to determine how I feel about myself. I think that I usually have a very healty approach towards food and my body. very healthy. Right now I feel as though I am an obese woman, and maybe I need to grease the doorways so that I can get my hips through.

I am going to have to figure out how to work with this, learn from this... grow from this, but hopefully not in an outward direction... har dee har. I know, Rob... I need a juice fast.
10:34 AM 4 comments