-=-namaste-=-
friday, january 25
Mat always tells me to choose to be happy... Decide to be in a good mood, not a bad one. I pishawed this logic arguing that it would be disloyal to me to pretend to be anything that I am not... If I am sad or angry, I'll be that dammit! BUT, this morning I tried it...Yesterday I woke up soooo tired and feeling sorry for myself and everything seemed to go wrong that could. I woke up and decided to be in a bad mood, to be a victim. Then I came into the kitchen and there were so many ants streaming in from some crack in the wall, and I had to kill them which always makes me feel conflicted but there were sooo many... Then I moped around so much that I was late leaving for work. On the way there, I tried Mat's technique. I stopped the vicious cycle of the bad moods by simply saying, I decide to be happy today, no matter what!! I said it to the black cat crossing the street in front of me as I whoooshed down my favorite hill. Suddenly the sky brightened, the city looked beautiful, the cold air cleansed my lungs, and I felt a change inside of me.
At work, a lady was rude to me over the phone, and I felt myself responding to her with even more anger, but I decided that I would not let her make me unhappy... I did this over and over again yesterday, and the day was great! Exhausting and hard, but I was happy.
External circumstances are never going to add up to MAKE me happy. There will always be something missing or there won't be enough time. I will have days of very low energy. I must make a decision internally that no matter what comes to me, I will take it in stride. God gives us no challenge that He doesn't know that we are prepared to face.... and face with His grace, not anger or sadness. I won't deny my feelings at all, but I will learn to live through them and not let them sideline my life.
Once again, great life advice from my dear soulmate who knows me so well. Thanks Matty... (when you read this I will probably be suctioning snot from a baby's endotracheal tube or up to my elbows in doo-doo diapers, but I WILL be happy today!) :)
5:51 AM 6 comments
tuesday, january 22
Please pray for me, friends, as I fly today...I am sad to leave my mom and dad.
but sooooo excited to see you, matty!! I'm coming home to you...
4:52 AM 0 comments
monday, january 21
What is it about answering machines that just make my butt muscles clench and my voice suddenly turn fakey and awkward...?> I get nervous and can't think of what to say and either end up rambling on extensively or hanging up or just freaking out and sounding like a total weirdo. I usually feel MORE distant from the person for whom I am leaving the message than I did before I called them. I am sometimes suprised that anyone calls me back.Maybe it is because it is a permanent recording of something that you say... maybe it is because i was calling them because I really wanted to hear their voices and talk to them but instead I got some stupid tape. I just called Beth from here in Bowling green, and I haven't talked to her in a while, and I miss her and wanted to hear her voice and make some plans for next week. I bet that I talked on her message tape for five minutes, and all of it sounded so stiff and awkward and it ended with me calling her Bethy... I don't blame her if she never calls me back.
answering machines.
Our new answering machine at home makes Mat and me laugh so hard because we left it on the computer voice that picks up. PURPOSEFULLY sterilizing the thing even more... it is hilarious! The computer voice sounds SO psyched to get the honor of answering our phone. It is like it has been lonely in our apartment all day, and the phone rings and it gets to have some conversation! HELLO! no one is a-vai-la-ble to take your call right now... I don't blame people for not leaving messages. That is even worse than a normal answering machine message. Of course Jeffrey's messages are always the greatest because he sings songs and then hangs up with BEE-ATCH!!