[LEMONS] 5.16.2002
More Shit From An Old Notebook
Why devote your life to work when you can just as easily play? What's the point of working hard, if you can't enjoy the fruits of your labors? Why strive for success, when mediocraty is the law of the land, and rewards are heaped upon the unfeeling drones farting their way through life in stark grey suits dressed for a funeral, and the emotionally-frozen hairsprayed statues in she-suits who ram the corporate cock up their ass, sip on their vodka tonics and bitch about the Democrats (never realizing that their male counterparts, resplendant in Friday casual, still see them as either juicy cunts or sexless droids and heap upon them behind closed doors the same scorn either way) while all of them, utterly devoid of passion, take solace in sales charts, because numbers will save them from the inanity of stucco sameness and the epidemic of electronics, cars, ovens, houses, bedrooms, armoirs, computers, penises, vacations, churches, gated neighborhoods, banks, tables, wall hangings, purses, underwear, trousers, HVAC systems, spanich tile roofs, venerial diseases, infidelities, back-stabbing compliments, genetic deformities, fascist sexual role-playing games, nackties, nipple clamps, home improvement courses, self-help books, personal power seminars, motivational tapes, humiliating costumes, urban negoes, Indian genocide, starbucks, public television pledge drives, yeast infections, saline solution, America.If there's one thing I've learned about America; it's that the suburbs of Des Moines are in every way identical to the suburbs of Los Angeles. And office interiors can't be distinguished fron building to building.
The rest of the day rolled by in a blitzkreig of inertia.
I stared blankly at a spreadsheet. I wrote a company-wide memo on our new purchasing policy. I drafted a report on our target market. I entered sales figures into a database. I organized a recycling drive. I cold-called prospective clients. I assembled a cube while orienting a new employee. I reviewed our sexual harrassment policy. I developed a perl back end for our Web site and set up a new MySQL database. I played a game of solitare. I ordered a ream of paper from Office Depot (taking care of business). I took dictation from the CEO. I attended a brainstorming meeting. I cut costs. I surfed pornography sites on the Internet anonymously. I designed a new logo. I wrote the copy for our new ad campaign. I laid out the company newsletter in Quark. I locked myself in the men's room, masturbated, and started a small fire.
- l i n k -
