[LEMONS] 4.09.2002
I Sing A Song of California
Have you heard 2Mex? No? Probably not, but you should. They've written what I believe to be the ultimate party anthem, and the greatest song to listen to in a car ever recorded, "LA (Like...)." And you see, it's a bit of a problem for me, that song. Because like all good San Franciscans, I love to hate LA. Not just the Dodgers, but the whole city. The whole metro area, in fact. All those blondes in the entertainment industry, the smog, the vacuous plastic lifestyle, the endless suburbs, the water theft, the oxygen bars, the regular bars, the chain stores, the strip malls, the teriyaki-chicken-in-the-form-of-a-burrito joints, the music industry, and cars, cars, cars, cars, cars, cars, cars. Don't even get me started on Orange county...Like I said, I'm a good San Franciscan. I bike everywhere; I never drive. I'm wearing biking clothes right now, in fact. I voted Nader. Beyond merely recycling, I compost. I stay dutifully outraged. I'm pale and pasty. I'm *almost* a vegetarian. I drink too much coffe, and it's all fair trade, shade grown organic coffee at that. I have a punk rock haircut. I even listen to house music. (House music! HOUSE MUSIC! The things you'll do for civic pride.) And furthermore, manage to occasionally say intelligent things about it. Or, at least things that aren't totally off-base.
So you'll understand how this urge to run out to Harp's car every five minutes, and drive around the block with the windows down, blasting 2Mex is a little disconcerting to me. But the thing is, almost all the good California songs seem to be about LA, or Southern California. Not all of them. But most. To wit, I offer an analysis of the songs of California.
California Dreaming -- The Mamas and The Papas: Southern, definitely. Otherwise, that winter day would just remind them of July in the Haight.
Going Back to Cali -- LL Cool J: Bikini, small. Need I say more? The only time I've ever seen anyone in a bikini in San Francisco was at the Folsom Street Fair, and there was a dildo strapped onto to the front of it. He wasn't who LL had in mind, I'm pretty sure.
I Love LA -- Randy Newman: Um. This song is about LA.
Are You Going to San Francisco -- Scott McKenzie: Word of advice, if you show up here with flowers in your hair, I'm gonna beat them out with my fists. I've got your gentle people right here asshole...
California -- Rufus Wainwright: Okay, so, I'm pretty sure this is supposed to represent the whole state. "Up north freezing?" He definitely made a stop here. Like all the songs that refer to the North, it's more depressing than anthemic.
California Girls -- The Beach Boys/ Diamond David Lee Roth: Skeebazzle boozle bop-biddy bop-bop. Yeah! Bring me two teenage stewardesses, a litre of Jack Daniel's, a watermelon, three cases of Jolly Ranchers, and a porcupine. Stat!
LA Woman -- The Doors/ Billy Idol: Great song. Of course it's about Los Angeles.
California Stars -- Woodie Guthrie - Billy Bragg/Wilco: Hey! You can't see any stars in Southern California! There'a only smog! This song is about us! Hoo-ray! Score one for us! (or, um, maybe the central valley).
It Never Rains in Southern California -- Tone Tony Toni (or, whatever): It rains like six months out of the year in Northern California.
Estimated Prophet -- Grateful Dead/ Burning Spear: I was listening to the Burning Spear version of this recently as I was crossing the Golden Gate Bridge. Knowing that the Dead are all NoCal boys, and judging by the spiritual/LSD-induced nature of the lyrics, I'm also gonna shoot for SF. I actually love this song (shhhhhh! don't tell anyone). Preaching on the burning shore. That's me. You know I'm a certified preacher man, right? But still. The song really celebrates California as a whole, rather than the Bay Area. Pisser.
I Left My Heart In San Francisco -- Tony Bennett: Hey, it's not my bag, but once he gets past all that jibber jabber in the front of the song and cuts to the city by the bay stuff it's alright.
Some song about California by Pink: Who cares.
San Francisco Days, and San Francisco Nights -- Chris Isaak: This is a great SF song. A perfect SF song, in fact. Too bad nobody knows it.
Coming into Los Angeles -- Arlo Guthrie: I had no idea that Arlo was hooked up with the CIA before I heard this song.
California -- Weezer This is such a great song. I love this song. It's just so cute and heavy all at once. Unfortunately, I can't make out a damn word they say. Except in one part, where they say "Santa Monica" over and over again. Damn.
California Love -- Dre, Tupac, etc: Yeah! Dre and Tupac save the day with an anthem the entire state can rally around. But give me that bomb beat from Dre, let me serenade the streets of L.A. From Oakland to Sacktown, the Bay Area and back down. Cali is where they put they mack down. Gimme love!
So. To sum up: Northern California needs more anthems. Songwriters, please give us more anthems. We need anthems.
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