[LEMONS] 3.13.2002
Harp discovered a neat google trick. But something she didn't mention was that link to the ondcp is a sponsored link. In other words, the ONDCP has paid Google to link hemp to terrorism. It has paid to make sure that anyone who searches for hemp butter (or hemp nut, hemp rope, hemp energy bar, hemp oil, or just about hemp anything (other than hemp food for some reason, which the DEA is in the process of banning) will see first and foremost Hemp's dangerous link to terrorism.
Now, let's for a moment play along with the ONDCP, and pretend that hemp products could in some way conceivably intoxicate you. Pretend that you're going to get high off a piece of hemp rope by, I don't know, soaking it in gasoline and huffing it, or something. Sure, it's ridiculous. But just bear with me.
So you've got this mean bad nasty hemp stuff that gets the kids all fucked up and going out and throwing toilet paper in the trees and listening to the Doors and generally acting dumb. You, the ONDCP, want to discourage them from using this stuff. But since you know you can't prove that it's bad for them, or convince them that they shouldn't hurt themselves, you tell them how it hurts other people. you explain how Hemp finances terrorism. You show the link between hemp fiber and those despicable, villanous, hideous terrorists: Canadian farmers.
Because you see, hemp fiber, seed, and oil doesn't come from some far flug Central Asian nation or Sout American shithole. It comes from the great frozen northland, where Canadians on small family farms grow it to finance their terrorist ways. Assuming, of course, that by "terrorist ways" you mean feeding their families and buying new skates for the kids' big hockey game.
Those terrorists with their "eh" ing ways.
All of which leads us to another problem with the ads the ONDCP is running on Google: hemp is legal. It comes across the border from Canada perfectly legitimately. There are no payoffs (unless you count tariffs). Your tax dollars are being spent on a product that not only has no intoxicating effect whatsoever (nevermind addicting... ever heard of anyone getting addicted to fiber?), but is also perfectly legal. Perfectly.
So remember kids, if you use rope; you're supporting terrorism.
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