-=-namaste-=-

friday, november 9

Mat announced that he is leaving Hamotam today. It is a sad day as the start of Hamotam seemed to be the start of an amazing, sustaining community -- no, family -- for me here in San Francisco. Do all good things deteriorate? Hamotam has been deteriorating before our very eyes for the past several practice sessions. The energy in the room where we practice seems to swirl and swirl into this unsurvivable vortex that eventually scatters everyone from the room with its intensity.

How will we fix this? How does one learn to dance with such intensity rather than run from it scarred? Perhaps I am too vulnerable to handle the culmination of so much creative energy vying (sp?) for the focused attention of the muse. My fledgling musical creativity thrives in wide open spaces not competitive, stifling, biting, ridiculing nests.
4:58 PM 0 comments

thursday, november 8

On Saturday, it will have been one year since Chris Robertson was killed by an angry man driving a truck. The case is still at trial.

Remember Chris.

this saturday, however you choose to remember people. Prayers, thoughts, art...
1:29 PM 0 comments

From the word-a-day that my Grandfather Buck gave me...

faineant (FAY-nee-uhnt, French: fay-nay-AHN) adjective

Idle.

noun

A do-nothing; idler.

My illness has turned me into a faineant this week.
1:26 PM 0 comments

I know it's kinda hokey, but I really like the message of this concept. Having a Giving Day the day after Thanksgiving is a great idea. You can be thankful on Thanksgiving and then give back the next day. I like the idea of everyone bringing the contents of their "spare change" jars to Thanksgiving dinner and putting it all together to donate to a jointly chosen charity...
12:49 PM 0 comments

cough... cough... sniff... snifff... sneeze... whimper and moan. This is the soundtrack in our tiny apartment since Sunday. EZRA and JEFF gave me some kind of horrible disease the likes of which I have never experienced in my life. Monday I came home from work and just sobbed for thirty minutes for no reason other than I felt so badly that I couldn't even handle life for one more minute. Tuesday was worse. Wednesday started to get a little better but was full of moments where I couldn't even bear to be on the couch but had to be in our dark cave of a room with all sources of light banished from my sensitive eyes and massive headache. I won't go into all of my symptoms as that is boring, but today I can breathe and that is a vast improvement.

My body is trying to tell me something, and much to my employer's and probably poor Mat's chagrin I have refused to simply treat the symptoms with toxic over-the-counter cold medications that only allow one to FURTHER ignore the cries of a body that is breaking down on you. I have snorted lungwort and zinc, swished echinacea, drank menthol tea, choked down granules of bee pollen, reved up the humidifier, and slept. and rested. and took care of my body. did some restorative yoga poses at the height of my energy periods yesterday and today. I am asking myself, "What have I been doing or not doing to you that caused you to break down sooooo intensely?"

I am feeling better today, but I am still going to rest. I am calling in sick tomorrow again. No job is more important than my health and my spirit. By ignoring the spirit when the body is sick, you prolong illness, telling the body that it is not important enough to take a break from the race. I will not do that. I will listen. I will hold the whisperings of my body and soul at the utmost of importance.

all of that writing has made me weary... must... go.... back.... to... bed.....
12:24 PM 0 comments