-=-namaste-=-
friday, october 26
Our upstairs neighbors brought home their new baby last night. I heard him crying this morning at 4:30 --only because our bathroom window is open -- he sounded like a little kitty cat. It is so cool to think of a brand new life up there. Brand new. He is just trying to get used to this strange new place that is so foreign.
I can't imagine having that in my arms and knowing that it came from Mat and me. Our little person who came to life nurtured by my womb. What a surreal thing.At this phase of life, I cannot imagine being able to do that. No way. You have to be 100% selfless, which is hard for me...
10:39 AM 0 comments
thursday, october 25
Happy happy birthday Matty baby!!!!
email him at mhonan@earhthlink.net
12:15 PM 0 comments
My raw, red, rashy, irritated armpits screamed after I had shaved them to be a bridesmaid in a friend's wedding. Angry bumps sent searing pain through my nerve endings every time I moved my arms, but HEY they look better than those hairy things... sure.
I tell my body, sorry I have to make you miserable to make everyone else happy. The bride's happy, my parents are happy, my brother's happy, no one will stare at me at the reception in Kentucky. I will blend in. I will be the same.
Why are women expected to shave their armpits? I like the look of shaved armpits, but my skin is so sensitive that every time I shave them it kills me -- for weeks after. I feel as though I have betrayed myself to be like everyone else. No more.
So, sorry everyone who has to look at them, but I can't keep up this facade. I am just not into inflicting pain on an innocent body part. My soul takes it personally. It goes deeper than the pain that my skin feels. By ignoring it and continuing to shave the pits, I am disregarding what I want to follow society's commands.
The majority of the people in this society are miserable deep down inside, so if there's anything that I DON'T want to be is just like all of them! So it's hairy armpits for me... and I will wear them proudly... They are a symbol to me of my love and respect for myself.
wednesday, october 24
Remember the first case of anthrax?
scary
5:16 PM 0 comments
back to my earlier rant about my life... I didn't really start the paragraph to vent about my job. It felt good, though, so I just ran with it. I was talking to my teacher today about my life taking on this new pace of busy-ness... She told me that she went through that for a few months earlier this year. She said that her life was insane, and she didn't have time to explore her deep inner workings. She came to some acceptance of the time, though. She accepted that at that point in her life, she was just really living a very surface life due to being so scattered and fragmented.
Acceptance. You know, I think that my STRESS about the fact that I am stressed and not able to nurture myself is just as bad as the actual stress and lack of time for myself. I never thought of this this way. Life is made up of all kinds of phases and stages..., cycles. I can accept that this cycle of my life is chaotic. It will not last forever. It will not kill me. And after it is gone, I will have learned a lot from it.
4:50 PM 0 comments
On a lighter note, Enron stock continues to drop... dropping 3.8 points today. I don't know anything about the stock market and don't want to, but I know that down is bad so HA HA (read in the tone of Nelson from the Simpsons)...
Evil multinationals suck. I hope they all crash and burn.
3:52 PM 0 comments
I talked to my yoga teacher today about this foreign, acclerated pace that my life has taken on lately. MY life is running me... I don't have time for the things that feed me... The things that I MUST have to exist on anything but a surface, utilitarian level. Yoga, bodywork, being outside, meditation, reading, playing my new guitar, writing, basking in the presence of my sweet husband and amazing friends, shopping for and preparing good healthy food from the earth.
Instead lately I have been working, entertaining house guests, cleaning, worrying about money, eating french fries and preservative-filled convenience foods. Shit, I DON'T KNOW what else I have been doing... sitting around and being stressed and choking off my soul. Not listening to my body and soul... I am Doing the things that I should do or am supposed to do or "getting things done", being productive.
This way of living is toxic to me. I know that I probably don't get much sympathy from anyone who knows me as I only work three days a week.
I work in a pediatric ICU. We are usually so busy that I go in when it is dark outside and leave when it is dark outside without EVER setting foot outside to exchange the energies of Sickness, Death, fluorescent lights, anxiety, monitor alarms, crying children with faces that look aged from having to face such intense dysfunction at this early stage in life for sunshine, light, green trees, fresh air, fresh food. I sometimes skip breakfast and eat lunch standing up in our medicine room trying to get out of people's way as they rush in to get meds. I NEED four days off a week to just be normal!
I am usually able to decompress rapidly my first day off and then spend my days nurturing my spirit, strengthening myself for the next few days that I work. Lately, I have been unable to do that. Stress continues outside of the work place. I can't make time to hang out with me. I miss me.
3:49 PM 0 comments