Okay, so USA Today talked to me about Ramon, the let-me-stay-fo-a-day, guy, right? (I'd link to the article but you have to pay for it) Well yesterday, I was talking to my friend Rob on the phone, trying to give him directions to Tiburon. A message comes in from a segment producer for the Tonight Show, Jolie Ancel (sp?). She wants Ramon's personal email address (not on his site, apparently?). She has no email, or at least doesn't give it out. She tells me to call. I do. Right away (because, I mean, it's the Tonight Show, right).

Anyway, her bitch of a personal assistant answers the phone (at 818-840-2259, if you want to call and experience Leno-zilla for yourself). I tell her that I want to speak to Jolie. This was how it went. Keep in mind that the entire conversation took place in a So-Cal airhead voice, I've left some of the cattiness out, and obviously it's paraphrased. Not from notes. Had I known what an awful little woman she would turn out to be, I would have taken them, or recorded the whole thing so that I could mpeg it.

"Who's this?"

"Mat Honan."

"Who are you?"

"I'm returning her call. She called me about five minutes ago."

"Ugh." [Tsk noise] "She's been out of the office for, like, half an hour."

"I'm just returning her call. She called me. I'm calling back."

"Well she's been gone from the office for half an hour."

"Whatever. Look, I don't know where she is. I'm just calling her back."

"And what's this about?"

"I'm returning her phone call, you'll have to ask her. It's about a Web site."

"Well what's your number? I'm not sure when she'll be able to call."

I give it to her quickly, so that she has to ask for it again, and then tell this shithead that I'm on deadline in the mornings and that Jolie is **not** to call until after 3. It's not true. I only do this because the assistant is such an utter bitch who just drips attitude, which really pisses me off as I'm doing her a favor. But she wasn't finished yet.

"When?"

"3"

"Ugh. WHERE-ARE-YOU? WHAT-TIME-ZONE?"

I don't even watch the stupid-ass Tonight Show, and I certainly am not going to take any shit from one of Jay Leno's underlings' underlings. I hate celebrities to begin with. Their assistants should be fed to the hamsters. Is it so hard to grasp the concept that not *everyone* is a shallow, Southern California, self-centered, egotistical asshole? Try to help someone out and what do you get....

Anyway, I've already decided that if this Jolie Ancel woman does call me back today, I'm not telling her squat and I'm going to tell her why I'm not.

-- posted 12:14