[LEMONS] 10.30.2001
I've never written about my dad, not honestly. I need to, but I can't seem to do it. He forgot my birthday last week, and I've been pissed at him ever since, even though I try not to be. It's not so much that he forgot my birthday, as it is every time he does (or doesn't do) something, it dredges up all these feelings from the past. All the sudden I'm twelve years old and completely inadequate again. I need to quit expecting things from him at all, because dad only fails me because I set the bar too high for him.
And no matter what, these strange days make me realize how precious family and friends are. I don't want to lose my father. He's just a man, flawed and selfish like all of us. I keep expecting him to rise above my expectations, and that's unfair. He's who he is. I need to deal with that. I need to just show him love, and leave it at that.
My friends Jeff and Matthew have been fighting. I was telling Jeff last night to wait and chill out, that tempers would cool and things would get back to normal. As I was writing the text above, Jeff sent me the email below. Hang onto your friends and families, work things out.
I just got a call from Matthew who told me his house burned down this morning. He said he woke up to his roommate yelling, "Matthew the house is on fire" and his room was full of smoke. He grabbed some of his art and his new robot and got the hell out. He now has nothing besides that and the clothes on his back. When something like this happens it really puts things in perspective.
It is weird but everything over the past few days is so petty and ridiculous and I am so ashamed that I would let our little argument rip us apart. God works in mysterious ways. I think he got his cell phone out so if you want to call him I am sure he would appreciate it. Thank God he and all of his housemates are allright.
- l i n k -
